Online dating is slowly taking over the world

By Hailey Marino.

I know because when I see my girlfriends, the conversation inevitably finds itself there. (And women are at the forefront of everything.)

It goes similarly each time. It opens with the sharing of favorite platforms to swipe on, listing off the apps that are active and the ones to steer clear of. Soon after, the inner rocket scientists emerge to present technique on how to engineer the perfect bio, how much to share on the first date, and exactly how long to wait before seeing him again. It's brought home by a natural transition into the consequence of malpractice: online dating nightmares, the ones we've all had.

I sit surrounded by gorgeous, powerful, successful women wanting partnership and not finding it, and I find myself wondering when a magical journey to finally cross paths with "the one" has become so formulaic and dry. And, needless to say, remarkably unsuccessful.

I have a friend who recently posted on Facebook that she's taking a Tinder-hiatus. She said she's exhausted, disempowered, and resentful toward the experience. She chats, she gets ghosted (sometimes she does the ghosting), and generally meets people who she doesn't click with. Another friend immediately commented on her post saying, no- to stay in the game! It's a numbers game, and it's about perseverance. Push through the pain! She wrote.

But when did it become normalized that true love is something we push past the pain to achieve? Does the pain mean we're getting close? Even if we are, is the kind of relationship I want one built on a foundation of resentment, tiredness, and burn out?

If I meet my love from this place, will I even recognize them?

Deep is here to reject the culture of ‘no pain no game’, the one that feels terrible and runs us dry, the one that we believe is at the heart of our unsuccessful experiences. If something is painful and ineffective, it needs an adjustment. This whole finding-our-soulmate thing is supposed to be fun, after all.

The adjustment is addressing the root of the dryness to cultivate a you who’s gas tank is full enough to date joyfully, with excitement and eagerness instead of urgency and tightness.

Because we know that your Person is coming full speed ahead, whether you like it or not. Your one job is to be rooted in the authentic joy and truth of who you are in order to receive them when they arrive.

Dating is not supposed to be something you need recovery from. At its best (the only version we believe in) dating is fuel submerging you in life-force and positive momentum. Yes, when you meet your person, and also in all the experiences you’ll have leading up to that moment.

There are a million ways to fill your tank and come to dating on Deep with the ease, play, and lightheartedness it’s designed for. Here are my favorite three:

Flirt… Not just with your matches.

Flirt with yourself. Wear your favorite lipstick, sneakers, top that has you feel amazing. Wink at yourself in the mirror. Buy ridiculously sexy underwear to wear under your work clothes. The more outrageous, the better.

Not for anybody but yourself.

We have been socialized to believe our power to feel good lies outside our own bodies, in the consumptive quality of something else: food, shoes, a man. It’s not true.

You won’t feel good once you find your soulmate. You’ll find your soulmate once you feel good.

Let’s turn that inner light switch ON and out of the automatic setting of tired, burned out, and stressed.
See what it would be like to turn yourself on first.

2. Get aligned.

Your first healthy relationships are to yourself and the platform to which your love is waiting for you. Practice gaining consciousness about when you go on to use the app. Tread lightly when you’re in a funk.

That means learning to avoid lonely swiping, desperation swiping, and swiping out of boredom.

Check in with yourself before opening that app. Ask yourself, “how do I feel right now? Is how I’m feeling a match for the relationship I want on Deep?” If it’s not, bookmark it for later.

After many rounds of becoming bitter toward online dating and taking hiatuses, I made an agreement with myself that I wouldn’t dare put attention toward meeting people if I wasn’t enjoying it. I began to understand that when I’m having fun unconditionally of the person sitting in front of me, I’m much more generous with my heart and attention, and I find magic and connection much easier. I meet people who I like. It’s almost like it starts with me.

Know that you have all the time in the world to set the energetic stage because like the ocean, you have ebb and flow, and you’ll come around to feeling good. When you log on, they’ll be waiting.

Which leads us to number three.

3. Ditch the scarcity mindset.

Thoughts like, “there isn’t someone for me,” “I don’t have enough matches,” “I’m running out of time,” and any sense of immediate urgency that isn’t excitement and eagerness is a waste of your time, and not rooted in reality.

See what it would be like to notice your scarcity thoughts and gently let them go.

They might be stubborn, and that’s okay. Begin to notice the limiting beliefs you have about the time, the numbers, and so on. Tell them, “no, thank you.”

Take the moment to affirm to yourself the opposite, “my love is on their way,” “I’m matching with the perfect people,” “I have all the time in the world.”

Feel the opening effects on your heart, and begin to believe.

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Remember: It’s supposed to feel good and it’s supposed to be fun. Fun starts with you, and is supported by us. We got you— Deep is designed for you.

Love is coming as we speak.