3 Ways to Fall in Love With Anyone

Does love have to be spontaneous to be real? Apparently, it doesn’t have to be. You can fall in love with anyone through a controlled interaction based on a study led by Dr. Arthur Aron of the State University of New York at Stony Brook.

Dr. Aron’s study suggests that the process of building intimacy between two people who don’t know each other can be sped up and the connection you feel with another person can be made more intentional rather than unplanned.

Because Love Is Taking Action

While you don’t have to participate in any love experiment or study to try falling in love with anyone in a structured way, there are ways to fall in love with a person by taking actions that create trust and intimacy—so that love becomes a result of what you do, not just of what happens to you.

This was what Mandy Len Catron, a writer who teaches English and creative writing at the University of British Columbia, realized when she applied Dr. Aron’s technique to her own love life. She says what she liked about the study was “how it assumes that love is an action.”

Here are ways to fall in love with anyone, based on Dr. Aron’s study and Catron’s own experience:

1. Make your first few dates a sharing game.

The goal here is to create closeness by answering specific, thought-provoking questions that allow you to get to know each other on a deeper level. Some sample questions from Dr. Aron’s study are:

- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Notice how these questions go beyond the basic and generic ones like “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?,” which can eventually cause conversations to fizzle out into awkward pauses and silence. Get creative with your questions, actively listen to the other person, and ask follow-up questions.

2. Engage in small talks.

Think of questions you’d find in a slam book. These are the types of questions that generate small talks. Questions like, “What gifts did you receive for your birthday?” or “What did you do last summer?” are simple and easy enough to answer, but they encourage you to open up some more, so you can find more common things between you and your date.

3. Stare into each other’s eyes for 5 straight minutes.

There’s no room for your mobile device here. Do nothing but stare into each other’s eyes in silence and relax. You may feel uneasy and exposed at first, but if you can stay this way without distractions for at least 5 minutes, you may start to feel more connected with each other.