3 Reasons to Go on Second and Third Dates Even When the First One Wasn’t Great

First dates are always exciting… and nerve-wracking! First, you plan your outfit and the topics you’ll talk about. Then you worry about whether the person will like you, and most importantly, whether the other person will meet your expectations.

Why the First Dates Should Never Be the Last 95% of the Time

Unless you were violated or attacked by your date, first date fails should not prevent you from going on a second and third one because:

1. The chemistry (or lack of it) isn’t authentic.

Let’s state the obvious here. All first date efforts go into projecting your best self. The problem is, your best self isn’t your real self.

And the bigger problem? You’re most likely judging the other person who is also showing you his ideal version of himself. What you show and what you see are mostly, well, LIES.

This isn’t necessarily wrong. It’s human nature to desire to make a great first impression when you’re meeting someone for the first time, just like going to job interviews. We naturally want the other person to like us.

But disqualifying the person from the second date based on what isn’t real is unfair for both of you, don’t you think? Because you never see the real potential for a great connection on the first date.

2. You struggle to be present in the moment.

With so many things going on inside your mind before and during the first date, both of you will find it difficult to actively hear out what the other person is saying through words and body language.

This is also the reason why some people are prone to make mistakes that automatically disqualify them from the second date. Then tend to ask generic and safe questions and fail to ask follow-up questions. Without engagement, you would instantly feel there’s no spark between the two of you.

When two anxious individuals on a first date are too busy paying attention to themselves and filtering their own thoughts, it often results in awkward conservations and petty first date mistakes like overtalking or forgetting some basic table manners.

The factors that help you decide whether you’d go for a second date are topics of conversations, emotional engagement, and manners, says Physician and Mental Health Writer Kristen Fuller, M.D. It’s rarely just the physical attraction. You’ll often misjudge the other person based on these factors on your first date.

3. Second and third dates tell you what’s real.

The second and third dates gradually take off the first date mask and reveal your true selves, which should tell you whether a genuine connection is really there. So even when you don’t fancy the person on the first date, give him and yourself the chance to get to know each other better by being open to a second date.